cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
