I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
