Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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