i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Randomize
