I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
