OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My penis needs a shock collar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
