So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
