Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
