The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
