it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
