Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
