I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
