WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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