Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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