I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
