my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
