I accidentally had phone sex last night
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
