i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
