why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
