oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
