btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Found your dick twin last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
