I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
