Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
