I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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