I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
