I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
