HIV tests are more positive than that guy
from now on my penis is your penis
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
