plz talk dirty to me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
