Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
