Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
