Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
