After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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