is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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