i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
