I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
