My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
