??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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