I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize