Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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