So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
