Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
