Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We had to coat check the pizza.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
