Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
