New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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