6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
