; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
