Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
