This girl is more easily done than said...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
