Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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