I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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