I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
