Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm at about main and main street
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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