my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
